Tonight is the night. 

Now if someone’s been following this it’s obvious I went through a break up which I know everyone goes through – well hopefully not everyone because it’s horrible. 

But the ball was moved in my court when I stood my ground and was no longer going to let her have control because I was running on pure hurt emotions instead of my brain. 

I’ve kept my distance from her, no contact – and everyday my mind thinks a different thing. One day we should get back together and give it another go because I love her and I really saw a future with someone for the first time in my life. The next I’m filled with a relief and I think no. She was prepared to do this – why should I choose her again. If it happened once will it happen again? Sure it’ll take time to adjust but there are literally thousands of people in London. 

Weighing up the pros and cons, almost everyone has told me to move on. But obviously it’s not as easy as that and when you committe to someone you are loyal so it’s hard to even imagine my life without her in it. 

For all my trying I’m nowhere near a decision. Not even close but I can longer be in limbo – it’s horrible and it’s no good for either of us. 

So I’ve asked her to come over, maybe seeing will show me a sign. Will I get butterflies in my stomach like I once did, will I instantly have a tremendous grin on my face when I see her smile? Or will I feel nothing, will it just be a stranger? Has too much happened to just jump into a relationship again… 

I think the only way I’m truly going to know is to feel something inside and the only way that is going to happen is when she walks through that door tonight. 

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